T.H.T. Presents: Harry Potter Mystery Theater
by ghetto-supastar
Summary: Harry and 6 others are trapped in an annoyingly bright room with no means of communication or escape.. when will the insanity strike? plz r/r
1. Hermione and the Amazing Tube of Lipgols...

A/N: I know that there have been a lot of these done, but hey, they're funny, and I thought, why not give it a go? Oh, and instead of having to type Professor McGonagall, I'm going to call her Minerva. It just doesn't take as long to type.  
  
Disclamer I do not own Harry Potter (though it would be a nice birthday present) and in no way am I making any money off this.  
  
Claimer:I own the 'mystery characters' that happen to make their way into the theater, unless they are Harry Potter related, or otherwise specified. I also own the idea of 'Twisted Humor Theaters', unless somebody out there, acctoualy has a 'Twisted Humor Theater'. then they own it. And I own my orange soda!  
  
  
  
Twisted Humor Theaters Presents: Harry Potter Mystery Theater  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- -------------------------  
  
Harry, Ron and Hermione were just about to go into the great hall, when suddenly they found themselves in a rather bright orange room. The entrace to the great hall had obviously been some kind of teleport to this strange room. As they looked around, they found the whole room was bright orange with a fish tank with (you guessed it) orange water, an orange refigerator filled with orange soda and orange chocolate bars. There was a orange coffe table and 12 tie-dye bean bag chairs. (Hey, there has to be some color other than orange in the room...). In 4 of the chairs were Malfoy, McGonagall, Siruis, and Parvati Patail. Hermione, Ron and Harry grabbed a bean bag each and sat.  
  
MALFOY: Alright, Potter! Why the bloody hell are we here?  
  
POTTER: How in the hell would I know?! I was just walking into the Great Hall, and suddenly I get thrown into a bright orange room with... with... YOU!  
  
MALFOY: For once, Potter, our stories match  
  
Then, a voice (from the sound of it, comming from the celing) spoke. I have gatherd you 7 is it 7? Potter, Malfoy, Weasly, Granger, McGonagall, Black, Patail.. yea, well I've gatherd you 7 here to read the dreaded bad fics!  
  
HERMIONE: OH SHIT!  
  
ALL (EXCEPT HERMIONE): What the hell are bad fics?  
  
HERMIONE: They're stories muggles write about us, and the post on this thing called the internet. They use the internet to interact with people from all over the world. I've read some of them... It's bloody humiliating what they do to us... Pairing Malfoy and Harry, Harry and Ron, Me and Malfoy, Me and Snape! It's disgusting! And those are the 'Good' fics! the bad fics are fics that the author has poorly written, (obviously) and, well it's horrible beyond words!  
  
BLACK: (sarcastic) How fun! and just HOW long are we gonna be stuck here?  
  
VOICE: Untill A) You all die B)I say so  
  
MINERVA: (sarcastic) What Joy  
  
VOICE: Any other Questions? Good! Onto you're first Fic!  
  
  
  
A stack of parchment appears infront of Parvati. She picks it up and reads:  
  
***When Lip Gloss Attacks by: anonamus****  
  
SIURIS: Whats lip gloss?  
  
HERMIONE: Girl muggle thing  
  
SIRUIS: Oh  
  
***On dey Hermeohne wahuz wahlking dowhn the hall wif Hairry  
  
and Rom. ***  
  
MALFOY: Imagine that... Hairry  
  
HERMIONE: Hermeohne?  
  
HARRY: Hey!  
  
RON: What is Whif?  
  
MINERVA: I think they ment WITH, Weasly.  
  
RON: Oh.  
  
*** And then, they wuz whalking and then Hermoninny founded  
  
a tube of (pineapple!)LIPGLOSS! ***  
  
HERMIONE: It's Hermione! Capital H-E-R-M-I-O-N-E! Why do they  
  
keep chaning my name?  
  
PARVATI: Pineapple? that was random...  
  
***Then Hermininny took the tube of LIPGLOSS and took the cap  
  
thing off, and hit everybody on the head with it! Even Draco Malfoy,  
  
her true love! ***  
  
MALFOY: Mudblood likes me?  
  
HERMIONE, MALFOY: EW!  
  
HERMIONE: I do not! it's just a fic! a bad fic!  
  
***Then, shuddnely wit a big 'BAHOOM' every one she hit blew up!  
  
and then she became Ruler of the world, except she hit every body  
  
in the world except Sihrius, her other one true lohve! (RAINBOW FLOWERS!)  
  
And then they got married and they ruled the world together, but there  
  
wasn't any ppl to rule, but (HIPPEO!) they ruled it anywayz. ***  
  
MINERVA: What is a hippeo?  
  
ALL: ???  
  
SIRUIS: I'm your one true love?  
  
HERMIONE: No.  
  
SIRUIS: Oh.  
  
MALFOY: YOU KILLED ME!  
  
HERMIONE: Yea. too bad I can't for real....  
  
MALFOY: HEY! But I'm your one true love, remeber?  
  
HERMIONE: No you're not.  
  
MALFOY: so you don't think i'm sexy?  
  
HERMIONE: NO. i think you're a basterd  
  
MINERVA, SIRIUS: GRANGER!/Hermione! Watch your language!  
  
***END***  
  
ALL: sigh of relif  
  
***OR IS IT?***  
  
ALL: UH OH  
  
*** NOPE! SIRUIS KILLS HERMIONE, AND ELOPES TO AMERICA WITH  
  
VOLDIE!***  
  
SIRIUS: NO! What happend to Hermione? I'm gay and with Voldemort  
  
and in the same sentance! no!  
  
RON: YOU, YOU SAID HIS NAME!  
  
MALFOY: (in Ron's Ear) Voldemort! Voldemort! Voldemort! Voldemort!  
  
RON: make him stop!  
  
MINERVA: 10 Points from Slytherin  
  
MALFOY: For what?  
  
MINERVA: for being an asshole. now shut it before I take more!  
  
HERMIONE, RON, HARRY, MALFOY, PARVATI,SIRIUS: Professor!/McGonagall!  
  
MINERVA: What?  
  
VOICE: Hello, my pretties! Did you enjoy your fic?  
  
ALL: NO  
  
VOICE: Well, there are many more where that came from!  
  
ALL: groan  
  
VOICE: Well, one of you are going to get to leave!  
  
RON: Only one?!  
  
VOICE: YUP!  
  
ALL: WELL WHO THE BLOODY HELL IS IT?  
  
VOICE: Well isn't somebody anxious...  
  
ALL: URGH!  
  
VOICE: It's (drum roll please.....) PARVATI!  
  
ALL BUT PARVATI: groan  
  
PARVATI: YEA!  
  
Parvati disappears with a, well with no sound.  
  
VOICE: I'll be back later with a new fic!  
  
ALL: graon  
  
  
  
A/N: So, how'd you like it? I need some bad fics so send them to ChibiFrogGy@aol.com with your bad fic(s)! Please put the subject 'badfic: FIC TITLE HERE, or else it will get deleted. I get too much junk mail, and if it doesn't have that as the subject, I'll delete it. I'm going to add another person! Who sould it be? Tell Me in your review!  
  
-Voldemort  
  
-Snape  
  
-Gilderoy Lockheart  
  
-Colin Creevy  
  
-Ginny Weasly  
  
-Fred and George Weasly  
  
-Britney Spears  
  
-that gay guy from survivor: austraila i think his name was brendon or bradon or something... he wore a skirt to tribal council....  
  
-other (please specify)  
  
  
  
If 2 people get alot of votes, I'll add them both! Well, what are you waiting for? Hit that review button!  
  
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	2. Bwandom's Unluci Dooki

A/N: You asked for it! Chapter 2! yea! thnx JM () for the fic! I've decided to keep the poll going for who to add  
  
so, who should i add?  
  
-Voldemort  
  
-Snape  
  
-Gilderoy Lockheart  
  
-Collin Creevy  
  
-Ginny Weasly  
  
-Fred and George Weasly  
  
-Britney Spears  
  
-Brandon (survivor: africa.. i think i put austraila on the other one...)  
  
-Other (please specify):  
  
-Molly Weasly  
  
-Lilly &/or James Potter  
  
  
  
well? tell me in a review!  
  
  
  
Disclamer: Anything Harry Potter belongs to J.K. Rowling....  
  
Claimer:I own the 'mystery characters' that happen to make their way into the theater, unless they are Harry Potter related, or otherwise specified. I also own the idea of 'Twisted Humor Theaters', unless somebody out there, acctoualy has a 'Twisted Humor Theater'. then they own it. And I own my orange soda!  
  
  
  
Twisted Humor Theaters Presents: Harry Potter Mystery Theater  
  
--------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
We have left our favorite heros in a annoyingly bright orange room for 2 days now... when will the insanity strike?  
  
But, of course, they don't know just how long we've left them here.... We've taken their watches, wands and money. Draco is sitting on the couch, writing 'Death to Potter' on it, with a marker. (How he got the marker is a mystery to even me) Hermione is sitting on the floor, watching Ron and Harry play a game of exploding snap with invisable cards,(and invisable explosions, for that matter) Minerva is eating chocolate bars from the refigerator, and Sirius is well drawing pictures of people with blood spewing every where in the window he drew with a marker from Malfoy.  
  
VOICE: Hello! Having Fun?  
  
HERMIONE: (sarcastic) Oh yes! Loads of fun!  
  
VOICE: (obviously missing the sarcasam) Great! Have any of you found the black room yet?  
  
MALFOY: What black room?  
  
VOICE: THAT black room  
  
With a small 'pop' a door appeared on the wall opposite of Sirius. They all venture over to it and Harry opens the door.  
  
Inside, all the walls are black, there is red carpet, a black light, 3 black leather sofas, a read muggle telly tube and a red muggle radio.  
  
VOICE: Well, you've seen it, now back to the orange room for your next badfic!  
  
(they all hurry into the orange room)  
  
a stack of parchment appears infront of Hermione, and she begins:  
  
***Bwandoms Unluki Doocky by: JM ()***  
  
RON: What is a Doocky?  
  
SIRUIS: I don't know  
  
***oone day, Meneervea and Brandin were waking throo the  
  
hugworts growndz***  
  
MINERVA: Meneervea?!  
  
HARRY: Hugwarts?  
  
HERMIONE: All the grammer and spelling errors all in one sentance!  
  
***when brandom bumped eentoo Bertniy Spers. he soodunli becumed strat and  
  
he yelled and ran and seen hermyony.***  
  
MALFOY: Bertniy Spers?  
  
HARRY, HERMIONE: It's Britney Spears... muggle pop singer  
  
HERMIONE: If you ask me she sounds like Percy singing in the shower  
  
RON: hahaha  
  
***Hermeonee wuz maakin oout wif hagred. Brandom criiied and den  
  
saw haire and became giy ageen. ***  
  
HERMIONE: WHAT? I would NEVER make out with Hagrid! He's a professor  
  
and my friend! and my name is HERMIONE!  
  
MALFOY: Sure...  
  
HERMIONE: Go bugger off, Malfoy  
  
HARRY: My name's HARRY! AND I'M NOT GAY!  
  
MALFOY: really.....  
  
HARRY: I'm not!  
  
*haerry ran away and fell intoo a culdrin. snape feel in a culdrin and Draeco  
  
came and smooshdid harree too bites wiht a hamar. ***  
  
MALFOY: HELL YEA! SMOOSH HARRY WITH A HAMMER!  
  
HARRY: Screw you malfoy  
  
MALFOY: Language, Potter -- McGonagall is in the room after all...  
  
***hermeone Screemed and eatid a biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiig peice of cace. thnd ronnikines cam and gived her  
  
grap jooce. ***  
  
RON: I AM NOT RONNIKINES! I'M RON! PLAIN RON!  
  
MINERVA: Control yourself, Weasly  
  
MALFOY: haha Ronnikines... you got told!  
  
MINERVA: 5 Points from Slytherin  
  
MALFOY: Why  
  
MINERVA: I said so  
  
SIRUIS: Has anyone else noticed that this story has not mentioned one thing about an 'Unlucki Dookey'?  
  
***malfoi gotted gelis and sweeped micgunnigal off her feet and gave her a doockey.***  
  
MALFOY: My name is spelled M-A-L-F-O-Y! and I am NOT Jealous!  
  
MINERVA: Why do they keep spelling my name wrong?! it's not THAT hard! McGonagall M-c-G-O-N-A-G-A-L-L!  
  
*** muugunugul dud not lick thee dooki so shee gived it too brandin and brandin poot it on a bur uv soop and slipd on it and he dide. No boody cared.***  
  
MINERVA: URGH! dooki?  
  
HARRY: SOOP?  
  
RON: Who the hell is Brandin?  
  
HERMIONE: I don't know  
  
SIRUIS: Is this the end?  
  
MINERVA: Obviously  
  
MALFOY: This is cruel and unusual punishment! Being stuck in a room-- or now rooms with 5 Gryffindors! Past and present! I demand another Slytherin!  
  
  
  
VOICE: I have a present for you all!  
  
ALL: oh no  
  
With a small 'ping' a stage equipped with a T.V. and kareoke set appeared.  
  
VOICE: It's KAREOKE TIME!  
  
  
  
  
  
A/N: thank you for the reviews (even tho it's 6 reviews, they're all good!) the current votes are:  
  
  
  
So hit that review button!  
  
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	3. K-a-r-e-o-k-e Tyme!

A/n: Sorry it's taken so long! I had to delete my story and re-upload it back to ff.net.... good thing i wrote all me votes down! Speaking of votes... you wanna know the winner don't ya? Well it's a 3 way tie and i chose the 2 that will annoy all of our vict--poor, mistreated people! You'll have to keep reading to find out! Sadly, there won't be a badfic in this chapter because I don't have one! If you have a badfic I can use, Email me @ ChibFrogGy@aol.com  
  
sorry this author's note is incredibly long.... on with the fic!  
  
  
  
Disclamer: Anything Harry Potter belongs to J.K. Rowling.... and the 2nd mystery charater belongs to herself  
  
(eww... who would WANT to own her?)  
  
Claimer:I own the 'mystery characters' that happen to make their way into the theater, unless they are Harry Potter related, and if they're not, then in that case they belong to the respecive person/people I also own the idea of 'Twisted Humor Theaters', unless somebody out there, acctoualy has a 'Twisted Humor Theater'. then they own it. And I own the black room (as it looks like the room I wish to have...) and I own my Cracker Jack Playing Cards!!  
  
Twisted Humor Theaters Presents: Harry Potter Mystery Theater  
  
-------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
.....With a small 'ping' a stage equipped with a T.V. and kareoke set appeared.  
  
VOICE: It's KAREOKE TIME!  
  
DRACO: What the hell is 'Kareeokee?  
  
VOICE: It's KAREOKE K-A-R-E-O-K-E! And it is a muggle way of entertainment. They have this machine and they put a cd (compact disc... don't ask.. it's how muggles listen to music) in the machine, wich is hooked up to the telly. The music plays out of the kareoke machine, but not the words. The words appear on the telly and they sing the words in the mic (muggle way of making their voices louder).  
  
MINERVA: Sounds complicated  
  
VOICE, HARRY, HERMIONE: It's not  
  
HARRY, HERMIONE: begins laughing uncontrollably  
  
SIRIUS: ook...  
  
HARRY, HERMIONE: muggle thing  
  
MALFOY: *coughfreakscough*  
  
HARRY: Would you like to say that to my face?  
  
But before he could answer, 2 people fell from the ceiling (as there were no doors) and landed with a 'thud' in a heap on the floor.  
  
VOICE: Damn! I missed  
  
RON: You're a bloody lunatic! Just dropping people in here, no- leaving us in here with no wand and no way of communication-- me mum's probobly worried sick-- and befor you say anything-- shut it, Malfoy. Who the bloody hell do you think you are?  
  
MINERVA: 20 points to Gryffindor!  
  
VOICE: I am-- MR. MOVIEFONE! I am leaving you here because I got bored on holiday. I took your wands 'cuz I knew Minnie and Sirius would try to apperate, and the rest of you would conjour a door.  
  
RON: That still doesn't explain why you dropped them two in here! Who ARE they anyway?  
  
Then, as if on cue, the two mystery people awoke. Hermione shrieked when she saw the first one.  
  
SIRIUS: Hermione! What the bloody hell is your problem?!  
  
HERMIONE: It's Briteny Spears!  
  
MALFOY: Is she single?  
  
HERMIONE: no  
  
MALFOY: oh  
  
RON: Is she the one who sounds like Percy singing in the shower?  
  
HERMIONE: (giggles) Yup  
  
RON: EW! Get her away from me!  
  
SIRIUS: Who's the boy?  
  
MALFOY: Oh, look Potty! It's your one man fan club!  
  
HARRY: Huh? oh shit! It's Collin!  
  
COLLIN: Huh? HARRY? OW! Oooh! OMG! It's Britney Spears! Where's my camera?! I soo need my camera!  
  
Where is my camera! I know I had it a second a go...  
  
VOICE: Stupid boy! I have your camera and your wand!  
  
COLLIN: Hey! That's stealing... I demand it back right now! It's not every day a boy gets stuck in a room with Harry Potter AND Britney Spears  
  
VOICE: You'll have to wait like the others.... NOW! on to KAREOKE!  
  
BRITNEY: OOooh! I just LOVE kareoke!  
  
MINERVA: Shut it, bitch  
  
BRITNEY: Whore  
  
MINERVA: Groupie  
  
BRITNEY: yum!  
  
VOICE: Now! Who will be our first vict- I mean contestant?  
  
MALFOY(feeling a bit brave, completely unlike a Slytherin...), BRITNEY: I will!  
  
SIRIUS: Malfoy, you're being a bit brave.. expecially for a Slytherin  
  
HARRY: That's exactly what Moviefone voices just said  
  
SIRIUS: Oh well  
  
VOICE: Draco, you'll go first, since It's a bit early in the morning to hear a cat dieing.  
  
MALFOY: Alright, what do I do?  
  
VOICE: Pick a song from the song book, I'll put the cd in, and you watch the t.v. screen and sing the words.  
  
MALFOY: Ook... What song book?  
  
VOICE: THIS song book  
  
Just then, a book appeared filled with songs in aphabitical order by singer/band.  
  
Draco turned to a random section. Of course, he didn't know about the different types of muggle music, so he just picked a song from the list.  
  
MALFOY: Alright. I've got me song chosen. NOW what do I do?  
  
VOICE: What's the name of the song you're song?  
  
MALFOY: Craig David?  
  
VOICE: NO! Not the name of the SINGER! the name of the SONG!  
  
MALFOY: oh. 7 Days?  
  
VOICE: Yes! Progress!  
  
Then, the cd player opend on the kareoke machine, and the mysterious moviefone voice incerted the cd.  
  
VOICE: Now, since you've probobly never heard this song before, nobody expects you to sing it correctly,  
  
Draco began his hideious singing. He could make even Britney Spears sound decent...  
  
MALFOY: (singing) On my way to see my friends  
  
Who live a couple of blocks aways from me (owh)  
  
As I walked through the subway  
  
It must have been about quarter past three  
  
In front of me  
  
Stood a beautiful honey with a beautiful body  
  
She asked me for the time I said it'd cost her name  
  
A six digit number and a date with me tomorrow at nine  
  
When Mr. Moviefone voice said nobody expected him to sing it correctly, she didn't know how true that was.While singing, he had managed to get so off beat that he was 4 measures behind the music.  
  
With only that much of the song sung, everybody except Britney had their ears covers, trying their best to keep from hearing the horrible screeching that was Draco singing.  
  
Unfortunately, he continued:  
  
MALFOY: (singing) Did she decline? No  
  
Didn't she mind? I don't think so  
  
Was it for real? Damn sure  
  
What was the deal? A pretty girl aged 24  
  
So was she keen? She couldn't wait  
  
Cinnamon queen? Let me update  
  
What did she say? She said she'd love to, rendezvous  
  
She asked me what we were gonna do  
  
Said we'd start with a bottle of moet for two  
  
  
  
At this point, not even Britney could stand it, and he hadn't even reached the chorus yet!  
  
This surely is cruel and unusual punishment.... but I'm enjoying it! (not the singing, the punishing)  
  
MALFOY: (still singing, unfortunately) Monday,  
  
Took her for a drink on Tuesday  
  
We were making love by Wednesday  
  
And on Thursday and Friday and Saturday  
  
We chilled on Sunday  
  
  
  
By this time the singing has even effected the mysterious Mr. Movefone voice. The voice who created this horrible tourture has put it to a stop. Even Britney Spears is better than him... and that's saying a LOT.  
  
So, with the wierd power she (yes she. I am a she. not a he. or a he-she. and not an it. a she.) posesses, turned off the kareoke macine, and took the CD out (i like that cd...). This, however, caused Draco to go into hystarics. He went on about nobody liking him, every one hating him, but nobody was listening. They all just went into the black room untill he was in a straight jacket and silenced.  
  
The kareoke resumed.  
  
Hermione was the next to sing. Being muggle-born she knew how it worked, and there was no fuss over what to do.  
  
The mysterious voice put in Pink's Misundaztood.  
  
She began to sing, (much better than Draco, mind you)  
  
HERMIONE: (singing) I never win 1st place  
  
I don't support the team  
  
I can't take direction  
  
And my socks are never clean  
  
Teachers dated me  
  
My parentes hated me  
  
I was always in a fight  
  
'Cause I can't do nothing  
  
right  
  
  
  
So far, no one's ears were coverd, but Draco was in a corner, beating his head aginst the wall, so you had to listen hard to hear her.  
  
HERMIONE:Every day I fight a war  
  
against the mirror  
  
Can't take the person  
  
staring back at me  
  
I'm a hazard to myself  
  
Don't let me get me  
  
I'm my own worst enemy  
  
It's bad when you annoy yourself  
  
So Irritating  
  
Don't wanna be my friend no more  
  
I wanna be somebody else  
  
L.A. told me  
  
you'll be a pop star  
  
All you have to change  
  
Is everything you are  
  
Tired of being compared  
  
to damn Britney Spears  
  
She's so pretty  
  
That just aint me  
  
All (but Britney (of course) Hermione (as she was singing, but was thinking it) and Draco (as he was silenced): HELL NO! Britney Spears... Pretty!?  
  
So doctor. doctor won't  
  
you please prescribe me something  
  
A day in the life of someone else  
  
I'm a hazard to myself  
  
Don't let me get me  
  
I'm my own worst enemy  
  
It's bad when you annoy yourself  
  
So Irritating  
  
Don't wanna be my friend no more  
  
I wanna be somebody else  
  
They applaueded when she was finished. The silenceing charm had worn off, and Draco was shrieking: 'Run free, Mr. and Mrs. Happey Hippeo! Run Free!  
  
The mysterious moviefone voice refused to take the straight jacket off, so he ran into the walls.  
  
Next was Harry. Being raised for 11 years in a muggle home, and over summer vacation, he had a vauge idea of the differnt kinds of muggle music. (The Durslys hadn't exactly allowed him a raido).  
  
He picked a song- Where the party at -Jagged Edge feat. Nelly.  
  
He pulled Ron up and they each grabbed a mic.  
  
Once again, the voice put the cd in the kareoke machine, and the song began:  
  
[Harry]  
  
Come on, come on Yeah, come on Yeah, come on  
  
[Ron](Harry)  
  
1-Uh-oh (Oh, oh, oh, oh) Uh-oh  
  
(Oh, oh, oh, oh) Uh-oh (Oh, oh, oh, oh)  
  
Uh-oh (If the party's where you're at, then let me know)  
  
See don't be trippin' when you see us in the club  
  
Just show a little love  
  
Represent your side like me  
  
Cause round here if you slip you catch a hot one  
  
Ride shotgun, couple of them got one  
  
Belvidere in the rear of the club  
  
Pulled up on dubs and we about to go and buy the bar up  
  
So so, fa' sure we ain't playin' Hang with no lames  
  
By now, Hermione, Sirius, Collin ,::gasp:: Minerva and even Harry and Ron were dancing. Britney took offence in the music selection and Draco was STILL in a striaght jacket.  
  
Hey where the party at? Girls is on their way  
  
Where the Bacardi at?  
  
Bottles, bottles, talkin' all of that  
  
You know I can't forget about my thugs  
  
(Where the party at?)  
  
And all my girls  
  
(Where the party at?)  
  
Off in the club  
  
(Where the Party at??)  
  
If the party's where you're at  
  
Then let me hear you say  
  
Uh-oh (Oh, oh, oh, oh) Uh-oh  
  
(Oh, oh, oh, oh) Uh-oh (Oh, oh, oh, oh)  
  
Uh-oh (If the party's where you're at, then let me know)  
  
The song continues with everybody (but Britney, Draco was let out of his straight jacket for good behaivor) were dancing. Mr. Moviefone voice had even magiced some butterbeer and pumpkin pasties.  
  
All the girls in the club in their best outfits  
  
Just showing that skin try-na make a nigga wanna spend  
  
Where you been girl?  
  
You and your friends need to come to the back  
  
Where we got it locked down at  
  
In your white t-shirt, or a three piece suit  
  
Don't matter what you wear  
  
All that matter is who you with  
  
Some jiggy and some straight ridin'  
  
All up in the club just to have a good time  
  
Hey where the party at? Girls is on their way  
  
Where the Bacardi at?  
  
Bottles, bottles, talkin' all of that  
  
You know I can't forget about my thugs  
  
(Where the party at?)  
  
And all my girls  
  
(Where the party at?)  
  
Off in the club  
  
(Where the Party at??)  
  
If the party's where you're at  
  
Then let me hear you say  
  
Uh-oh (Oh, oh, oh, oh) Uh-oh  
  
(Oh, oh, oh, oh) Uh-oh (Oh, oh, oh, oh)  
  
Uh-oh (If the party's where you're at, then let me know)  
  
[Harry]  
  
Now can you show me where that party at dirty?  
  
Somewhere where it's crackin' right around 1:30  
  
Never get there to early  
  
Comin' AS IS, do rags and Timbs  
  
I'm rollin' pass this little Jagged Benz  
  
With the Rolls not the one with the stems  
  
The one with the rims  
  
The one that seem to make more enemies than friends  
  
I'm slidin' in past bows  
  
Both eyes close, with both arms froze, both charms froze  
  
With that S-O, S-O D-E dot F  
  
We buyin' BOTTLES, BOTTLES until there ain't none left  
  
I'm quick to go left, I plays with no ref I jams more than Def  
  
baby show me the club I'm like HEY where that Bacardi at?  
  
Come and mix it with the Cris baby what's wrong with that?  
  
We in the VIP twisted, down right spiffy  
  
Two-way (***)(a/n:see authors note at end of song)a nigga like you listenin'  
  
Hey where the party at? Girls is on their way  
  
Where the Bacardi at?  
  
Bottles, bottles, talkin' all of that  
  
You know I can't forget about my thugs  
  
(Where the party at?)  
  
And all my girls  
  
(Where the party at?)  
  
Off in the club  
  
(Where the Party at??)  
  
If the party's where you're at  
  
Then let me hear you say  
  
Uh-oh (Oh, oh, oh, oh) Uh-oh  
  
(Oh, oh, oh, oh) Uh-oh (Oh, oh, oh, oh)  
  
Uh-oh (If the party's where you're at, then let me know)  
  
Uh-oh (Oh, oh, oh, oh) Uh-oh  
  
(Oh, oh, oh, oh) Uh-oh (Oh, oh, oh, oh)  
  
Uh-oh (If the party's where you're at, then let me know)  
  
[Ron]  
  
Come on, left side just put your hands up  
  
Throw em up  
  
Right side just put your hands up  
  
Throw em up  
  
Everybody put your hands up  
  
Throw em up  
  
When the beat come back around  
  
Everybody do it again  
  
Do the East Side run this mother for ya, hell yeah  
  
Do my South Side run this mother for ya, hell yeah  
  
And them haterz can't hit no  
  
Ain't talkin' bout nothin'  
  
And they look like  
  
If the party's where you're at  
  
Let me hear you say...  
  
(A/N: i got lazy and didn't want to type they lyrics myself, and i havent heard this song in a bit, so that's why the word's bleeped out)  
  
At the end of the song, everybody was in a lighter, happier mood except Britney (of course) and Mr. Moviefone voice. The plan was to torture, not make happier.  
  
After Harry and Ron left the stage, Ron blushing furiously at the attention, it disappeared with the same 'ping' that it appeared with.  
  
VOICE (obviously depressed at the lack of torture): That's it for today... hope you had a bloody well time  
  
With that what was left of the butter beer and pumpkin paisties disappeared.  
  
MALFOY: But wait! Why wasn't there a badfic? Has the torture ended?  
  
VOICE: No. I just couldn't find one.  
  
MALFOY: Will there be a badfic nextime?  
  
VOICE: Yes  
  
MALFOY: Damn  
  
  
  
  
  
A/N: I know it was INCREDIBLY LONG but I just kept going and going and going and going! It was fun to write, so hopfully it was half as fun to read! I really need some badfics... I know.. I'm begging... and I don't beg but it is imparative that I have badfics to continue the story. (ooh imparative... such big words for such small brain... lol)  
  
Well, if you refuse to send me a badfic (my email is ChibiFrogGy@aol.com or you could just leave one in a review...) then tell me how funny/stupid/gay or WHATEVER YOU THINK my fic is!  
  
Hit that button... you know you want to....  
  
HERMIONE: Yea... hit the review button!  
  
MINERVA: If you don't... 35 points from Slytherin!  
  
MALFOY: But what if they're not in slytherin?  
  
MINERVA: Then 60 points from slytherin  
  
MALFOY: Thats not fair!  
  
MINERVA, SIRIUS: I/She don't have to be  
  
HARRY, RON: What are you reading this for? get on with hitting that button!  
  
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v 


	4. My Sevvie Loves That Hermy Granger =( An...

A/N: Hello every one! I'm back! thank you soo much to Katheirne aka Star! You're great!  
  
Disclimer: I own nothing harry potter related. Katherine aka Star owns the badfic... enjoy!  
  
Claimer: I own the orange and black rooms along with my dreamcast  
  
  
  
Twisted Humor Theaters Presents: Harry Potter Mystery Theater  
  
-------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
We have left our heros  
  
HERMIONE: ahem! Hero's?!  
  
We have left our heros and heroesses  
  
HERMIONE: MUCH better..  
  
in 2 rooms for the past 3 days... are they still sane? Did Collin and Britney survive?  
  
has insanity struck? Hopefully... =)  
  
Well, Draco is crossing out all his 'Death to Potters' and writing 'I [heart] ?'  
  
Harry, Hermione and Ron have tied Britney and Collin back to back in 2 chairs with some ducktape (Where are they getting this stuff?!)  
  
And well Minnie and Sirius are in the black room, snogging.  
  
  
  
VOICE: Minnie, Sirius... stop snogging and get in here!  
  
VOICE: ANYWAYS... Hello you beautiful people!  
  
ALL (but Collin and Britney, for obvious reasons): ::Groan::  
  
VOICE: Before we g- WHAT HAVE YOU DONE!?  
  
ALL: ??  
  
VOICE: You have tied together my Collin-Whaluhms!! No!!! And to the back of HER!  
  
with that, Collin and Britney were un-bound, and removed from the room.  
  
VOICE: For that, you will pay dearly.... Oh Sevvy! Voldie!  
  
with a thud, 2 more unsuspecting persons fall into the room.  
  
ALL (But Snape and Voldemort and Malfoy): AHH! Not.... them!  
  
VOICE: That's what you get for tieing up my Collin-Whaluhms!  
  
VOLDEMORT, SNAPE: Where the hell are we!  
  
MALFOY: My Lord, Professor, we have been trapped in this wretched room for the past 3 days forced to read badfics and do Kareoke.  
  
SNAPE, VOLDEMORT: What are badfics and Kareoke? And why the hell haven't you escaped!?  
  
VOICE: Badfics are horribly written fics I use to torture you, Kareoke is a muggle form of singing, and you can't escape! I've taken your wands!!  
  
VOLDEMORT: Torture... Good  
  
SNAPE: What house are you in!? 100 points from your house  
  
VOICE: Sorry to burst your bubble, Sevvie, but I don't attend Hogwarts  
  
SNAPE: My name's not SEVVIE! It's SEVERUS!!  
  
VOICE: Whatever you say, Sevvie.  
  
VOICE: Any questions?  
  
RON: Acctoualy I have a question...  
  
VOICE: No questions? Good! On with the badfic!  
  
RON: Hmph  
  
A stack of parchment appears infront of Snape  
  
long silence  
  
MINERVA: Hurry up, Severus! Read the damn fic!  
  
Snape begins reading:  
  
This is a song fic, based off of Werid Al's My Baby's In love with Eddie Veder.  
  
HARRY: At least it's not a badfic  
  
HERMIONE: Yes it is  
  
HARRY: But it says 'Song fic'  
  
HERMIONE: Badfics come in many forms  
  
Ron:Who's Eddi Veder?  
  
SIRIUS: No clue  
  
Oh, my Sevvy, my Sevvy,  
  
he don't want me no more,  
  
ever since he saw her picture  
  
at that record store.  
  
Snape: I'm not SEVVY!  
  
VOLDEMORT: What's a record store?  
  
HERMIONE: Muggle music store  
  
VOLDEMORT: oh  
  
He thinks the way she grinds her potions is really sexxy.  
  
Yeah he thinks she's so darn cute and generationXy.  
  
He likes her brooding mind, and her wildly wicked hair.  
  
SNAPE: I don't like the way this song is going...  
  
Yeah she's his favorite, giffendor gal. Well my Sevvy is  
  
in love with that Hermy Ganger, He's all crazy for Hermy Ganger,  
  
Once he was mine, now I better just forget him casue my  
  
Sevvy is in love with that Hermy Ganger.  
  
HERMIONE: EWW! That's just WRONG!! and It's HERMIONE GRANGER! not Hermy Ganger! HERMIONE GRANGER!  
  
MINERVA: Severus, you know you can get fired for that  
  
SNAPE: I DO NOT find GRANGER attractive!  
  
SIRIUS: Sure you don't...  
  
HARRY: giffendor?  
  
Now every time I see her it's just so grim.  
  
I guess it must suck to be a smarty like her.  
  
What pain to have so much succues, spending all her  
  
time mopping and advoding the press. But my Sevvy just  
  
can't get enough of her solume deminer.  
  
HERMIONE: It doesn't suck to be smart... Infact it has it's advantages....  
  
And I DONT mope!  
  
RON: Solume Deminer?  
  
Like she's some kind of torchered genuies and I'm some  
  
kind of stupid huddlepuffy. Well my Sevvy is in love with that  
  
Hermy Ganger, He's got a thing for that Hermy Ganger,  
  
tell me what can she do that I can't do better.  
  
MINERVA: you like Hufflepuffs too?  
  
SNAPE: DO not  
  
MINERVA: Do too  
  
SNAPE: no  
  
MINERVA: YES  
  
SNAPE: NO  
  
MINERVA: YES  
  
HARRY, RON, HERMIONE AND MALFOY: SHUT IT!  
  
MINERVA, SNAPE: 10 POINTS FROM SLYTHERIN/GRYFFINDOR!  
  
HEY! YOU CAN'T DO THAT!  
  
YES I CAN!  
  
MINDERVA: Jinks! you owe me a butter beer, Severus  
  
SNAPE: mumbles  
  
Now my Sevvy's in love with that Hermy Ganger,now I said, I said  
  
my Sevvy's in love with that Hermy Granger. Head over heels for that  
  
Hermy Ganger, I can't beleive it now he's mixing her a potion! Cause my Sevvy's in love with that Hermy Ganger.  
  
VOLDEMORT: Snape, the firt order of buisness when I get my wand back is to put you under the Criticus Cruse for likeing a Gryffindor Mudblood  
  
VOICE: You can't do that to my Sevvy!  
  
SNAPE: I am NOT in love with Granger!!  
  
HERMIONE: I'm not a mudbood! I'm a witch! a witch! Why the hell do you think I've been going to hogwarts for the past 4 1/2 years?!  
  
MINERVA: 50 points to Gryffiindor for standing up to Voldie  
  
I knew we were head for disaster  
  
when he caught me hanging out at the libray door.  
  
Now he's got a unrequited adoration for the frustrated,  
  
agitated, disignated alienated spokeswoman for the disaffected  
  
grunge generation.  
  
HERMIONE (in a shrill voice): I am NOT alienated, or disignated! But i am VERY agitated and frustrated!!  
  
HARRY, RON (who were by HERMIONE): ::backs away, very slowlly::  
  
Well, I don't wear Doc Martins and I don't wear  
  
robes and I don't boycott the house eleves servaces.  
  
But I know two can play at this sort of game! Yeah, well, just wait see how jealous  
  
he'll get when I start stalking Sirus Black!  
  
HERMIONE: I don't wear doc martins  
  
SNAPE: you can stalk Black all you want. I don't mind one bit  
  
SIRIUS: oh shit  
  
Well my Seviey's in love with that Hermy Ganger,  
  
he's all crazy for that Hermy Ganger.  
  
Once he was mine but now I better just forget him.  
  
Cause my Sevvy is in love with that Hermy Ganger.  
  
Why'd he have to fall for that Hermy Ganger???  
  
If he wants to leave me, I guess I better let him.  
  
Cause my Sev is in love with Hermy Ganger...... :( ~.~  
  
SNAPE: FOR THE FINAL TIME: I AM NOT IN LOVE WITH GRANGER!!  
  
MALFOY: You think that, Professor  
  
SNAPE (doing the unbelivable): 10 points from Slytherin  
  
ALL (even Snape): In shock  
  
The end.....  
  
VOLDEMORT: Thank gods  
  
RON: No it's not! look at the dots!  
  
The End!!!!!  
  
VOLDEMORT: yea it is  
  
VOICE: The fic may be over, but I have a game for you!  
  
ALL: groan  
  
VOICE: Well don't you want to know what it is?  
  
ALL: no  
  
VOICE: Well you're gonna find out anyways! It's dum dum dum dum.... SPIN THE BOTTLE!  
  
ALL: NO!  
  
VOICE: Yuppers! Now, all of you into the black room! shoo!  
  
All walk into the black room, in fear of Mr. Moviefone Voice  
  
VOICE: Now, sit in a circle, boy, girl, boy, girl  
  
HERMIONE: But there's only 2 girls  
  
VOICE: Then sit boy boy girl  
  
HERMIONE: But that still won't work  
  
VOICE: Then, by damn sit boy boy boy girl!!!  
  
So they sat Minnie, Sirius, Ron, Harry, Hermione, Voldemort, Draco, Snape, and back to Minnie.  
  
Once they were settled, a empty butter beer bottle appeared in the center.  
  
VOICE: The rules are easy. One of you will spin the bottle. Who ever it lands on, you HAVE to kiss. If it lands on that person again, you kiss for 30 seconds. If it lands on that same person again you french. After that, if it lands on that person again, you start over.  
  
Got it?  
  
ALL: nod  
  
VOICE: Great! Minnie, you spin first!  
  
MINERVA: Hey! Only Sirius can call me Minnie  
  
SNAPE: Sirius and Minerva sitting in a tree k-i-s-s-i-n-g  
  
SIRIUS: We've already done that.. 'cept not in a treee..  
  
MINERVA: ::chunks bottle at Snape's head. bottle breaks. slaps Sirius::  
  
SIRIUS: Ow! What was that for?!  
  
MINERVA: You should know  
  
VOICE: NO! Don't hurt my Sevvy!  
  
::new bottle appears in the middle::  
  
VOICE: Now, spin it or you have to kiss Sevvy  
  
SNAPE: I'm not your Sevvy! I'm not even Sevvy! I'm Severus!  
  
MINERVA: No! I refuse to kiss that that thing!  
  
VOICE: Then spin the damn bottle!  
  
She spun the bottle. It landed on (how lucky) Sirius. They kissed with no protest and Sirius spun. It landed on Voldie (ME: evil cackle).  
  
VOLDEMORT/SIRIUS: NOOO!  
  
VOICE: You hafta or else  
  
SIRIUS: Or else what?  
  
VOICE: I tie you together, face to face  
  
SIRIUS: That's just wrong  
  
They kissed, and rinsed their mouths out afterwards in the bathroom that wasn't there before they read the fic...  
  
Voldie spun. It landed on Hermione.  
  
HERMIONE: EWW!!  
  
VOICE: Oh shut it. Atleast you don't have to kiss a girl.... but it can be arranged  
  
HERMIONE: No, that's ok  
  
So THEY kissed, and they, too rinsed thier mouths out. When she got back, Hermione spun. It landed on Ron. They kissed. Ron spun. It landed on Harry?  
  
HARRY: I can't kiss me best friend!  
  
VOICE: You hafta  
  
HARRY: What if I don't  
  
VOICE: I'll lock you in a closet with Draco  
  
HARRY: No offence, Ron but I think I'd rather be locked in a closet with Malfoy than kiss you cuz you're my best friend. And you're a guy.  
  
RON: Good cuz I fo' damn sure not gonna kiss you  
  
VOICE: Alright then... You'll be stuck together untill the 7th badfic. You will read the fics together when Its' one of your turns. Between fics you will not leave the closet unless I say. There will be a bathcloset and a refrigerator. There will be a pack of exploading snap and a box of muggle chess.  
  
Draco spun and it landed on Hermione.  
  
DRACO: Eww! Do I hafta kiss MUDBLOOD?  
  
HERMIONE: I'm not exactly jumping for joy over here, am I?  
  
So, 5 minutes, 4 bribes and 7 punches later, they kissed. (on the cheek, of course, but wased their mouths and faces off anyways)  
  
After everybody had been kissed (excpet Harry) the bottle exploded.  
  
VOICE: Now! Harry, Draco, you are to live in that closet over there  
  
with a small well no sound a closet door appeared.  
  
VOICE: You two are the only two allowed to enter. If anyone else trys to they will find themselves in a pink frilly dress and tights.  
  
SIRIUS: Pink, frilly dress?  
  
VOICE: Yes. A pink, frilly dress.  
  
SNAPE: That's just wrong  
  
VOICE: Now then! Off you two go!  
  
Harry and Draco enterd the room. It was more of a closet actually.  
  
It was painted red, had 2 bean bag chairs 1 box of muggle chess, 1 deck of exploding snap cards, a small refrigerator, and a door. The door lead into a small closet that had a shower, toilet, mirror and vainity. All matching the red walled color scheme. There was also a telly on top of the refrigerator.  
  
HARRY: Great. I'm stuck in hell with you  
  
DRACO: Very funny Potter  
  
VOICE: Now then! When you're in this room, nobody can hear anything from the outside, and vice versa. You see that telly over there? You can make 2 calls to the outside a day. That's one call a piece. I've written the number to the orange and black rooms on a piece of paper by the telly.  
  
DRACO: What are we to sleep on?  
  
VOICE: The bean bag chairs. And if there is ANY fighting, I WILL take one chair away.  
  
HARRY/DRACO: NO!  
  
VOICE: Then don't fight  
  
  
  
MEANWHILE:  
  
HERMIONE: poore Harry  
  
SNAPE: More like poore Draco. Being forced to live with that fame drunken basterd  
  
HERMIONE: PROFESSOR! Harry isn't a flame drunken basterd!  
  
SNAPE: You're only saying that cuz you like him  
  
HERMIONE: I most certainly DO NOT  
  
SNAPE: You just think that!  
  
VOICE: All of you shut it and go to sleep! I have a surprise for you tomarrow!  
  
ALL: oh no  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
A/N: Sorry it's so long! I know I should have put Harry and Draco's new room in the next chapter... but I didn't wanna!! lol! So here it is!  
  
HERMIONE: And stay tuned in untill next time  
  
RON: When she unleashes her horrible surpise on us  
  
HARRY/DRACO: on....  
  
ALL: T.H.T. PRESENTS: Harry Potter Mystery Theater!  
  
SIRIUS: More like Harry Potter Misery Theater  
  
DRACO: Why is it HARRY POTTER? Why can't it be Draco Malfoy Mystery Misery Theater of the living dead?  
  
Brittany: Can it, malfoy  
  
DRACO: Who's Brittany?  
  
Brittany: The genius behind this all!  
  
MINERVA: Well when I get out of here I'm going to hurt you!  
  
Brittany: Minnie! I'm surprised! Besides, you can't do that!  
  
MINERVA: Why? and I'm not MINNIE im MINERVA McGonagall  
  
Brittany: I'm American  
  
MINERVA: Big whoop...  
  
  
  
  
  
You've came, You've saw, now review!  
  
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V 


	5. The Second Adventure of Raindear Furby

A/N: I would have kept Britney and Collin in longer but I couldn't think of anything to do with them... oh well  
  
Disclaimer: I own nothing Harry Potter ect. (did you know ect. translates into blah, blah, blah?) I also do not own the Poem. It is from a book my friend is reading. I think it's called Through the Looking Glass and Other Adventures. Its also from the movie Alice in Wonderland. Once again, Katherine Owns the badfic.  
  
Claimer: I own the orange, black, and red rooms. I also own my Longhorns Calander  
  
  
  
Twisted Humor Theaters Presents: Harry Potter Mystery Theater  
  
-------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Unfortunately, our favorite (fay-vor-ight) heros and heroesses are perfectly sane. Except mabe Harry and Draco, but they annoy each other. Nobody (to my dismay) has gotten a Pink, frilly dress and tights. Lets see what they're up to now....  
  
Every one except Harry and Draco were in a heated arguement about who Draco likes.  
  
Earlier that morning, Hermione had found the uh messages. She, Minnie and Ron thinks it's Harry. Voldie, Sirius and Sevvie thinks it's Hermione. I know who it is, but that would ruin it all!!  
  
RED ROOM (Better known as Hell)  
  
Harry and Draco were asleep. They were in different beanbags, of course, across the room from eachother.  
  
VOICE: Harry, Draco! Wake UP!  
  
Harry and Draco wake up. They look at eachother, and bolt to the bathcloset. Harry gets there first and comes out 15 minutes later. Draco does the same. Good thing they're not morning people. It took that long just to settle the 6 in the orange room down.  
  
VOICE: Well! What are you waiting for?! Out into the orange room.  
  
They left, in frear of losing a bean bag.  
  
ORANGE ROOM  
  
VOICE: Good morning every one! Harry, Draco, how was YOUR night?  
  
HARRY (bitterly): Just peachy  
  
VOICE (missing the bitterness, how i dont know. He was awful bitter..): Great! I've got a poem I'm going to read to you!  
  
MALFOY: Is it about any of us?  
  
VOICE: No  
  
HARRY: Then it's off to a good start already.  
  
VOICE:twinkle twinkle little bat  
  
how i wonder where you're at  
  
up above the world you fly  
  
like a tea tray in the sky  
  
twinkle little bat how i wonder where you're at  
  
MINERVA: That was uh erm interesting  
  
HERMIONE: I've heard that before! When i was little... it's from a movie.....  
  
VOICE: Okieday! Onto the next badfic!  
  
A stack of parchment appears infront of Voldemort. He begins:  
  
Hi all I'm back again! Yes you can keep a crazy Gemini down. So pull up a chair, or couch grab some pop and get ready to rumble!!!!!!!!!! No wait that's no right…..hum…well I guess it can!  
  
  
  
DRACO: Too perky  
  
RON: I'll say  
  
Raindeer Furby Rides Again!!!!!!!!  
  
By Katherine aka Star. ^.^  
  
  
  
HERMIONE, HARRY: NO! NOT FURBIES!!  
  
  
  
RON: What are furbies?  
  
HERMIONE: It's this muggle toy and it speaks 'furbish' and the more you play with it, it'll learn english. It's bloody annoying. I killed mine.  
  
  
  
SNAPE: Oh shit its the same one who wrote that I thought Granger was sexy  
  
It was a dark, wet and miserable night. The sky flashed with lighting the sounds of thunder filled the air. Then came a very loud sound, it came form you guess it Furby!!!!!!!!  
  
SIRIUS: At least it's not a sunny, cloudless, happy, perky day  
  
DRACO: I didn't guess it was furby.  
  
Kah toh-loo noh-lah wah! (which means I like to dance!) followed by kah mee-mee a-tay! (means I'm very hungry!)  
  
MINERVA: Well thanks for the translations... It's not like any of US speak furbish.  
  
HARRY: I don't know Professor. You think that mabe Professor Snape does?  
  
ALL (But snape and voldie and draco): LOL!!!!!!!  
  
HERMIONE: Oh shit! A very hungry, dancing furby! This CAN'T be good  
  
RON: These fics are never good  
  
With that yelled out for all the world to hear, our hero Raindear Furby marched on his quest to find a place to dance and eat. He was a cute little guy with a fuzzy hat and bells on him. His mission was the same, well it was mulit parted. Eat, dance, sleep and convert others to you guessed it Furbish!!!!!!!! Yes, our short little hero was at it again. After having converted Ultros ( note to all he's the purple octopus, form Final Fantasy 3/6) and the remaining Malofy along with lots of others. He was out again with his converting, one would almost think he was a crazy catholic.  
  
MALFOY: What does they mean, 'the remaining Malfoy'?!  
  
HERMIONE: Mabe he killed your parents and converted you to furbish  
  
VOICE: Naughty Hermione! You've been reading ahead  
  
HERMIONE: No I haven't! I just guessed  
  
RON: NO! Not descriptions! I hate discritpions!  
  
Raindeer decided to head to his old buddy Hagard's place so he could sleep in a nice dry and warm place. He slipped into the hut about 10:00pm, not wanting to be a jerk he placed him self in his regular spot, after drying off by the fire. He then went to sleep, as all furbies like to do. Latter the next morning Raindeer woke and begin to teach Fang you guessed it furbish! He also taught Norbit, who was a very fast study. After he was done he left the hut to get Hagard some more dragon eggs as a way of saying thank you for the nice warm spot.  
  
HERMIONE: Look at all the spelling and grammer mistakes!! It's Hagrid! And Norbert! Not Norbit!  
  
MALFOY (To Snape): Told you! He had a dragon!! but no! you didn't listen!!  
  
HARRY: How did she find out about Norbert?  
  
SIRIUS: Figures. Him making friends with a Furby....  
  
After Raindeer got done sending the eggs to Hargard by way of wizarding FedEx. He set off to beat up a big fat drunken jerky boy who was named……(No it wasn't Lucius I killed him off in the first furby fic. Cause he is a jerk, and a evil gay death eater! Not that being gay is bad just working for a gay evil dude like Voldie is bad. ) Now as I was saying this jerks name was Fudge! Now Fudge was a short fat ass who had bad hair and worse breath. He was for some unknown reason the head of the ministry. Why I don't know I think he had blackmail or something, on someone important. Now as luck would have it, Fudge was out for his morning walk. So my hero and yours didn't have far to go, to beat the crap out of him. Raindear walked up to the short loser with bad hair and said. "You suck, I must make you sleep for good."  
  
  
  
MINERVA: I'm starting to think this furby guy's not half bad... Killing Lucius, Destroying Fudge.... He's got spunk...  
  
SIRIUS: Don't you dare think about cheating on me with a furby!  
  
RON: What's FedEx?  
  
HERMIONE: really fast muggle postal service  
  
VOLDIEMORT: I'm not gay! I'm evil, true, but not gay! and It's Voldemort! Not Voldie!  
  
HARRY: YES! Make Fudge sleep for good! Then end the fic and everyone will be happy!  
  
MALFOY: You realise even if it does destroy Fudge, the fic won't end there  
  
SNAPE: I'm not gay!!  
  
Well Fudge being dumber than a collage student on crystal meth. Did not run, no he did what any dumb ass would do, he asked the ever stupid question. "Who are you, and why do you want me dead?" As you can imagine Raindeer was really brassed off by this, how dare the moron in front of him ask this! Was he blind, was he stupid, was he a 500lbs undead jackass with really bad hair and worse breath? Helle yes! Fudge was dumber than a ice troll who had thought he could kick Thor's butt.  
  
MINERVA: What's crystal meth?  
  
HERMIONE: Muggle narcotic  
  
MINERVA: This girls got Fudge summed up pretty good  
  
Raindeer: "U-Nye lee-koo here u-Nye dah loo-loo kah going to noh-lah on your grave!" (Which means "you listen here you big joke, I'm going to dance on your grave.")  
  
HARRY: GO FURBY!  
  
With that mix of both furbish and Minnesotan Raindeer kicked the crap out of Fudge. (note to the misters knocking MN will get you a fate worse than death.) It was so bad I can't even go into the details of how badly beaten he was. Let's just say that where wasn't enough of Fudge left to fill up a shoe box. But just enough left that a traveling potions sales wizard, bottled what was left to sell.  
  
ALL: You go furby!  
  
VOLDEMORT: burn his wizard ass!  
  
After having sent Fudge to the next world, Raindeer found that he still had time on his paws. So he head off to Hogwarts to say hi to his other pal who lived there. No not Albus, Raindeer is just a little to violent for him. He went to see Hermonie, his all powerful witch friend who he thought was the greatest lady since Minny had been young. Now as you can guess our hero does not like his pals to be dised. So when he saw a certain dark haired hotttie of a potions master being a bit mean to his buddy Herm. Well he was mighty miffed off,( Katherine: "after all just cause you're a hottie Snape honey you don't have to be rude." ) So Raindeer being the good smartens that he was. Walked up to Snape and said, "Mr. Snape you have no right to hell at my homgal Herm. Just cause she's smarter than your group of dumbassies is no reason to bit*h. (Katherine: "You should be better than that after all your one hot wizard and smart too. ) So I want you to say your sorry to my homgal now."  
  
SNAPE: atleast SOMEBODY acctually sees me for what I am  
  
MINERVA: Yea, a big fat grease head with a huge nose  
  
SNAPE: There is no way in hell I'm going to apoligize to Granger... even if she is smarter then my Slytherins! They're way cooler!  
  
SIRIUS: How childish  
  
Well Sev being the wizard that he is, was shocked to see a living furby. After all furbys were supposed have been wiped out. With the only furbys now being the muggle toys. This shocked the heck out of the hottie potions master. So he turned form the furby and told Herm he was sorry, cause no man messes with a raindeer furby, if he wants to live anyway. Herm walked off with Raindeer and they chatted about all that Rain had been up to. After Rain had said good-bye to Herm, he remembered that he still had a favor to pay off. So in the dead of the night he made his way to Sev's room and used a powerful sleep potion on him. Then put him in a magic shippers box, bed and all, and sent him to an old friend in MN. Who he was paying back for the time she helped him convert half of TX to furbish. Let's just say that the said lady was very happy when she got up to get the mail the next morning.  
  
SNAPE: There never were furbies in the wizarding world!! I would never aplolgize! I'd get my wand and hex the fuckin thing!  
  
HARRY, DRACO, HERMIONE, RON: Haha Professor! You got sent to MN where ever that is to some muggle who helped convert half of texas to furbish!  
  
SNAPE: oh shut it  
  
The End!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
ALL: YEA!!!  
  
Nope sorry just messing with yeah all,  
  
ALL: BOO!  
  
Katherine and Sev got married and had five kids. Herm got married to Harry and had a set of twins. Ron and Lavender had three sets of twins and two others. Draco got married to Cho and has about 15 kids. Minny and Albus got married as well, but she sees Voldie on the side. Remus and Cassie Lupin got together, Sirus named was cleared, and rat boy was eaten by trolls.  
  
SNAPE: NO! I'm not marrying her! and I'm certainly not having 5 kids!  
  
HARRY: No! I don't wanna marry Hermione  
  
HERMIONE: It's just a fic... remember that... it's just a really bad fic....  
  
MALFOY: NO! Not that Cedric loving bitch!  
  
MINERVA: Sirius, who's Cassie Lupin, and why is she marrying Remus if they already have the same last name?  
  
SIRIUS: I duno. This fic wasn't so bad after all.. Fudge got killed. Lucius was already dead my name got cleared and 'rat boy' got eaten!  
  
VOLDEMORT: Pettigrew got what he deserved  
  
RON: I didn't get married.. mabe that's a good thing...  
  
The End!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
ALL: YEA!!  
  
VOICE: Now then! Harry, Draco, off to your room!  
  
HERMIONE: Wait! I wanna know who Draco likes!!  
  
ALL (But Draco): Yea!  
  
DRACO: It's none of your buisness  
  
HERMIONE: You should have thought of that before you wrote it all over a couch  
  
DRACO: hmph  
  
RON: Well...  
  
DRACO: (in a very, very, very, very, very, very,very, very low voice) hermione  
  
but Hermione heard it  
  
HERMIONE: Eww!  
  
SNAPE, SIRIUS, VOLDEMORT: Told ya so!  
  
HERMIONE, MINERVA, RON: Hmph  
  
HARRY: What'd y'all do? bet on who he liked?  
  
HERMIONE: yup  
  
HARRY: Well who'd you bet on?  
  
HERMIONE: Snape, Sirius, and him (points to voldie) bet it was me and Me, Ron and Professor McGonagall thought it was you  
  
HARRY: That's just wrong  
  
HERMIONE: yea, but you honestly think i'd say Malfoy liked me?  
  
HARRY: Well, no  
  
HERMIONE: Point proven.  
  
  
  
  
  
A/N: Yet another chapter done! =)  
  
BRITTANY: Be sure to tune in next time for the next episode of...  
  
HERMIONE: Dum dum dum dum dum....  
  
RON: T.H.T.  
  
HARRY: PRESENTS:  
  
MINERVA: HARRY  
  
SIRIUS: POTTER  
  
SNAPE: MYSTERY  
  
VOLDEMORT: THEATER  
  
MALFOY: !!!  
  
  
  
You've came, you've saw, now review!  
  
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v 


	6. Lily's Big Secrect

A/N: Chapter 6! yea!! thnx so much Katheirne aka Star for the last 3 fics!  
  
Disclaimer: You've read this far... if you must know, see previous chapters  
  
Claimer: I own the red, black and orange rooms along with my AV marker.  
  
  
  
We have left our favorite heros and she-ros (are they our very favorite?? i like superman...) here for 6 days! Next badfic is Harry and Draco's last day together, and everyone has a special place in their heart for Raindear Furby.  
  
Harry and Draco were bored out of their minds, so they decided to have a truce to play exploading snap. They were acctoualy having a pretty good time, even if they were each other's arch nemisisses. The rest were in the orange room, sleeping.  
  
ORANGE ROOM  
  
VOICE: WAKE UP! It's time for your next badfic!  
  
SIRIUS: Not THIS early!  
  
VOICE: I'll make it even earliery next time if you dont' shut the fuck up and wake up!  
  
RON: Aren't we in a plesent mood this morning  
  
VOICE: Hardey har har  
  
SNAPE: OH stuff it with the sarcasam Call Malfoy and Potter in here so we can get this over with  
  
VOICE: IF you want them in here so bad, call them  
  
SNAPE: What?  
  
VOICE: Call them. They've got a telly. Their number is 888-5555 (a/n: i woudn't call that number.. i don't even know if its real...)  
  
So Snape picks up the telly that appeared by the frige and dialed their number. The telly in the red room rings. Harry walks over and picks it up, and answers. Its Snape.  
  
HARRY: Malfoy! Telly!  
  
Malfoy takes the telly and answers:  
  
MALFOY: What  
  
SNAPE: Get you and Potter's asses in the orange room for the fic now!  
  
MALFOY: OK! OK!  
  
They both hang up  
  
MALFOY: Hurry up Potter. We're wanted for the annual fic reading  
  
HARRY: Oh Joy  
  
Once Harry and Draco come into the black room, and once they're seated, a stack of parchement appears infront of Minerva. She reads:  
  
My First Harry Fic! By Katheirne aka Star.....  
  
HERMIONE: So we've been reading the Fics she's wrote in order backwards?!  
  
VOICE: Not quite  
  
HARRY: This Can't be good.......  
  
Who by the way is a Lily/Snape Shipper for life.  
  
don't worry I won't place anything in here over pg- 13  
  
HARRY/SNAPE: That's just WRONG  
  
HARRY: Jinks, Professor. You owe me a butter beer.  
  
HERMIONE: At least It's going to be kept at a PG-13 level  
  
HARRY: Thank god  
  
Lily's Big secert.  
  
RON: How exciting!  
  
SNAPE: This can't be good.... Expecailly since the author is a Lilly/me shipper  
  
Lily had a bigg secert,  
  
SIRIUS: Imagine that...  
  
it was realllly bigg and would effect the lives of many people.  
  
MINERVA: Lily's secrets always effected the lives of many people  
  
Unfortunitly her secert was unable to come out, cause old Voldie got luckly and managed to food posion her and JamesI'majerkpotter.  
  
HARRY: That's not how they died! He (points at voldie) used the Avada Kedavera curse on them!!  
  
VOLDEMORT: Yea! And my name's not Voldie! It's Lord Voldemort or The Dark Lord not VOLDIE!!  
  
SIRIUS: James wans't a jerk! And that WASN'T his middle name  
  
SNAPE: Was so  
  
HARRY: I wouldn't know....  
  
So poor Lily's secert had yet to find it's way to the light of day.  
  
SIRIUS: And hopefully it never will  
  
This made her very unhappy, for the man that she still loved was caused great pain by this.  
  
MINERVA: Lily.... unhappy? NEVER she was always too perky  
  
The guy she loved was not James,  
  
HARRY: I don't like the way this is going  
  
HERMIONE: Me either  
  
duh James was a drunken woman beater who should have been drug out into the street and shot.  
  
HARRY: Once again, I wouldn't know....  
  
SIRIUS: No he shouldn't! And he wasn't a drunken woman beater! If anyone should be drug out into the street an be shot it's Snape  
  
SNAPE: I resent that  
  
Along with Draco's dad who was a big time dunken pig.  
  
DRACO: He's not a pig!!  
  
HERMIONE: This girl is pretty good at summing people up except mabe Harry's dad and mum....  
  
RON: Yea well she's a crazed lunitic so SOMEBODY's got to be out of caracter  
  
But who gives a flying monkey about him, he's a lozzzzer. Along with Ratface and Voldumes who both should be shoot.  
  
VOLDEMORT: I'm not VOLDUMES!! I'M VOLDEMORT!!!! I'm going to kill this author...  
  
RON: You can't you dont' have your wand  
  
VOLDEMORT: Damn I forgot  
  
MINERVA: This story just keeps getting better and better....  
  
DRACO: My father is not a loser!  
  
HARRY: You just think that  
  
Now Lily had been resting in Asgar for about 12 years with all of the realllly cool, honored dead.  
  
HARRY: What's Asgar?  
  
RON: I duno  
  
SNAPE: Lily wasn't cool or honored! She was a gossiping freak who was head over heels for Potter!  
  
She was still sad, cause of all the pain her baby boy Harry was in along with the man she loved.  
  
HARRY: I'm NOT a baby!  
  
HERMIONE: Who exactly is this man she loved?  
  
SIRIUS: Do we really want to know?  
  
MINERVA: No  
  
Now when Lily had first died she had not known, that Harry would be sent to her bit*h of a sister.  
  
HARRY: That pretty sums up Aunt Petunia...  
  
Had she known she would have not gone, she would have killed the bit*ch and her spawn off.  
  
VOLDEMORT: She didn't have any choice in the matter  
  
HARRY: YEA! KIll her! and Uncle Vernon and Dudley!!! DIE YOU MUGGLES!!! DIE!!!  
  
HERMIONE: HARRY!  
  
HARRY: what?  
  
Then raised her baby boy herself, with the man she worshiped and loved.  
  
HARRY: i'm NOT a baby!  
  
MINERVA: So now she worships him too  
  
Then one sunny day Thor came up to Lily and said "Since you have had to suffer so much, I have decided to send you back."  
  
SNAPE: That's not possible! You can't be raised from the dead! SOMEBODY hasn't read Hogwarts, A History  
  
RON: Who's Thor  
  
HERMIONE: I think he's a Egyptian God or something  
  
RON: oh  
  
Lily thanked Thor greatly and went to pack her stuff.  
  
SIRIUS: She's dead.... how does she have stuff?  
  
Then cameback, to Thor and was sent back to earth and Hogwarts. She was sent in one of Thor's lighting bolts since that was the only way to send one to Hogwarts, directly.  
  
HERMIONE: no it's not SOMEBODY hasn't read Hogwarts, A History  
  
RON: Snape just said that  
  
HERMIONE: He did?  
  
moment of deja vu  
  
HARRY: ANYWAYS  
  
So you can amagin how Snape felt. When out of no where this lighting bolt came down right beside him. Just as he had placed his most hottie self into a nice big hot steaming bath. He was pretty shoke up, after all when you have to spy on Voldie. You get pretty stressed out sometimes, no matter how cool you are.  
  
VOLDEMORT: You spy on me?  
  
SNAPE: No, my lord  
  
HARRY, HERMIONE, RON, MINERVA, SIRIUS: YES YOU DO!  
  
MALFOY: You take 'hot steamy baths'?, professor?  
  
SNAPE: NO  
  
He jumped over to his wand ready to tosh out a curse or two. When the smoke cleared he was shocked to see a naked Lily standing before him! Now it was Lily's turn to be shocked, a wet naked man with a nice looking unit was standing before her. Lily blinked for a sec then realllized it was Snape!  
  
SNAPE: EWW! LILY! NAKED! NO!! MY EYES!!  
  
ALL (BESIDES SNAPE): EWW! that's too much information!!!  
  
Lily felt tears forming in her eyes, it was her lost lover, Snape the only man she had ever loved. The man she had first been with, was standing before her. She had never before had been so happy in the last 12 years. The two of them embraced and melted into the hot steaming bath tub.  
  
SNAPE: I never dated her!  
  
HARRY: That's just wrong... my mum and Snape... in a tub... ew!!!  
  
Latter that night at dinner Albus came over to Harry who was eatting with his buddies Hermoine and Ronnny. He gave Harry his come with me, things have changed big time look. He and Harry propmtey went to Snape's office. As Harry came in behind Albus, he saw prof Snape and Lily??? What the heck was going on, how could his mum be alive, she had been taken out by Voldie. What the heck was going on here, had Harry crossed into any other demention or what?  
  
HARRY: I wouldn't care how the hell my mum was alive, i'd care why the hell she was with Snape! And Professor Dumbledor doesn't have a 'Come with me, things have changed big time look'  
  
MINERVA: And this story was going pretty good....  
  
Harry looked form Albus to Snape to his mum, he was in shock.  
  
HARRY: Damn right I was in shock... my mum with Snape...  
  
Lily was the one who decided to speak, "Harry hon, I know this is shocking to see me back. But I can explain, how I'm back and what's been happening to you in the summer is no longer going to happen."  
  
  
  
HARRY: Damn. If only my mum wasn't with Snape in this story it'd be pretty good  
  
Harry looked at his mum with a happy heart,  
  
RON: Happy Heart????  
  
HARRY: HELL NO! Not Snape!  
  
HERMIONE: Things'll only get worse you know  
  
he knew only good things would be happening to him.  
  
HARRY: good is not the operative word.... let's try horrible, shitty, miserable...  
  
Cause his mum was back and she loved him, unlike that bit*h pertina.  
  
VOLDEMORT: NO! SHE CAN'T BE BACK! NOOOO!!! I KILLED HER!!  
  
As Harry listen to his mum he wondered why Snape was so close to his, mum. But he didn't care, he had his mum back so who cared about that. After she was done telling Harry, Ablus and Snape how and why she was back. They all nodded in great respect for Thor cause other wise Thor would have kicked some arse.  
  
HARRY: NO! I Do to care if my mum is in love with Snape!!  
  
Lily then decided to tell them all her big secert, with a happy heart and a tear in her eye, she begain to speak.  
  
HERMIONE: Oh dear  
  
Lily: "Harry, Ablus, and Sev. I have something improtant to tell you all. Harry is not James son, he is Sev's son! Yes, he is Sevs son, I only married James because he blackmail me into it."  
  
HARRY: I'm not his his his SON! *points at Snape*  
  
SNAPE: And I'm jumping for joy over this news??  
  
HERMIONE: It's JUST A FIC REPEATE AFTER ME:  
  
IT  
  
HARRY/SNAPE: IT  
  
HERMINOE: IS  
  
HARRY/SNAPE: IS  
  
HERMIONE: JUST  
  
HARRY/SNAPE: JUST  
  
HERMIONE: A  
  
HARRY/SNAPE: A  
  
HERMINOE: FIC  
  
HARRY/SNAPE: FIC  
  
HERMIONE: IT IS JUST A FIC!  
  
HARRY/SNAPE: IT IS JUST A FIC!  
  
HERMIONE: You can stop now  
  
All three of them, looked on in horror how could that rat bastard James have done that to her??? Had he no shame, no honor, no compassion, no sense of right and wrong??? Well of corse he didn't he was James the woman beater Potter!  
  
SIRIUS: For the last damn time! James was NOT a woman beater!  
  
Snape: "What did he blackmail you with Lily?"  
  
MINERVA: Do we want to know??  
  
RON: No  
  
Sev said in his most compasionite voice, he was really pissed off at James for being such an arse. But hey this was James we are talking about, what the heck else can be said. Albus and Harry looked at her with equal compassion and hurt, they both hated James now!  
  
HARRY: I don't hate my father!!  
  
MINERVA: Severus, you have a compassionate voice?  
  
SNAPE: Stuff it, Minerva  
  
Lily: "He threatened to turn Sev into the Voldie for being a spy. I had no choice in the matter, I couldn't let him hurt my Sevvvy. I love him far too much to let him get hurt."  
  
SNAPE: I am NOT Sevvvy!!!  
  
VOLDEMORT: You're spying on me?!? How dare you!!  
  
SNAPE: No, my lord, I'm not  
  
MINERVA, HARRY. HERMIONE, SIRIUS, RON: Yes you are!!  
  
They all looked sick, how could that rat be so damn crule but, as we have said James is a sick rat bastard. Just like wormboy, who should be shoot on site. By the way wormboy if I ever find you I'm going to beat you to death.  
  
SIRIUS: Other than the James is a sick rat basterd comment, this girl's got some pretty good ideas....  
  
HARRY: Of course i looked sick! My mum is with Snape!!  
  
So in the end of may Sev and Lily were married at Hogwarts with Albus as the perist, and Harry as the best man.  
  
HARRY: HELL NO! I'd never be that basterd's best man!  
  
MINERVA/SNAPE: 20 Points to/from Gryffindor!  
  
Ronnnny was the ring bearer, Hermonie was the maid of honor and Sirus was the guy who jumped up went Albus asked if anyone has any reason bla bla exct.  
  
SIRIUS: YEA! I jump up and yell hell no when they ask for anyone who think's they should not get married  
  
HARRY: Me too  
  
HERMIONE: And me  
  
RON: and me  
  
VOLDEMORT: I'd just kill her again  
  
SNAPE: I wouldn't even show up  
  
He was taken to Saint Katherine's home for the mentally unrested. Where he was taken goooood care of and eat lots of cookies and candy.  
  
SIRIUS: mmm... cookies and candy  
  
Cause it was the only way he would clam down, Harry vists him every weekend, so Sirus is not lonly, he comes with Hermoine, each week they try to help him get better.  
  
SNAPE: That could be years  
  
SIRIUS: Shut it Snape  
  
They hope one day to have Sirus back on the outside. Snape and Lily live in a huge mansion with tons of gardens and other cool stuff. They use to live near the Malofy's but they pissed Snape off so they had a accident on late saturday night. Strangely they left all of there stuff to Snape and Lily, nice of them wasn't it.  
  
HARRY: Oh yes very nice.... why the hell would me mum take anything from that sick basterd?  
  
RON: For the same reason she married Snape  
  
  
  
The End!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
SNAPE: Doubtful  
  
I'm so darn evil! MWahahahaahahahaah!!!!!!!!! Ok, I'm done.  
  
HERMIONE: For once, a bit of truth in the whole story  
  
VOLDEMORT: If she's so darn evil how evil am I?  
  
HARRY: VERY  
  
VOLDEMORT: Good  
  
Harry I'm very sorry if I upset you, I'll go kill ratboy to make it up to you.  
  
HARRY: YES! kill rat boy!!  
  
Sirus, I told you one day I would get even.  
  
SIRIUS: hmph  
  
Sev your damn hot.  
  
SNAPE: Finnaly. some one who sees me for what I really am!  
  
MINERVA: yea, a grease headed git  
  
Lupin you rule.  
  
HARRY/SIRIUS: Yea! Lupin's cool!  
  
Hermonie you should take over the world.  
  
HERMIONE: That's not a bad idea.... kill ff.net!!  
  
Ron, become a professonal prankester.  
  
RON: How did she know that's what i was going to do?  
  
Draco your not daddy's son, your  
  
really Sirus kid. Just do a illousion shartering and you will see what I mean.  
  
DRACO/SIRIUS: That's just WRONG!!  
  
VOLDEMORT: What's an Illousion Shartering?  
  
HERMIONE: i dont know  
  
DRACO: That's a first... brainy Granger doesn't know something!  
  
HERMIONE: Fuck off malfoy  
  
  
  
VOICE: Ok! Did you all enjoy today's fic??  
  
ALL: No  
  
VOICE: excellent!!! I've got another game!!  
  
HARRY: This CAN'T be good  
  
HERMIONE: It never is  
  
VOICE: IT'S CHUBBY BUNNNYS!!  
  
RON: What's Chubby Bunnys?  
  
HERMIONE: It's a pretty fun game... 'cept iif it's being directed by her *points up*  
  
VOICE: OK! To play chubby bunnys you stuff a bunch of marshmellows in your mouth and say chubby bunnys. The person who can say chubby bunnys with the most marshmellows in thier mouth wins!!  
  
MALFOY: Sounds better than spin the bottle  
  
VOICE: And the winner gets to use a computer hooked up to the internet, and the losers get to read another badfic!!!!  
  
MINERVA: Oh joy  
  
A bowl of large marshmellows appears infront of them.  
  
VOICE: Now then! Everybody take 3 marshmellows and put them in your mouth!  
  
Everybody complied, for fear of thier lives.  
  
VOICE: Right then. I'mma gonna go inna circle. Harry, you're first.  
  
HARRY: Chubee Buhnnies  
  
VOICE: Good. Hermione?  
  
HERMIONE: Chubby Bunnys  
  
VOICE: Good... Draco  
  
DRACO: Chwubby Bwonnies  
  
VOICE: I'll take it... Sirius  
  
SIRIUS: Chubbey Bunneys  
  
VOICE: Good. Snape?  
  
SNAPE: CWUNBBIE BWONKIES  
  
VOICE: NOPE! YOU'RE OUT!! Voldie?  
  
VOLDEMORT: Chwubbee Bunneys  
  
MINERVA: CHUBBEEE BUNEES  
  
VOICE: ok  
  
VOICE: OK! Now, everybody add 2 more marshmellows!!  
  
And so they did. In doing so they look like a bunch of robed chipmunks.  
  
HARRY: CHUBBEEE BUNNEEES  
  
VOICE: Good...  
  
HERMIONE: Chubbey Bunneeys  
  
VOICE: Good  
  
SIRIUS: CWUHHBEE BUHNEEYZ  
  
VOICE: Noppers... you're out  
  
SIRIUS: Damn  
  
VOLDEMORT: CHWUMBEE BWONNEYS  
  
VOICE: Nope! You're out too  
  
Voldemort: damn you  
  
MINERVA: Chubbee Bunneeys  
  
VOICE: Good! now everybody who's still in add 1 more marshmellow!  
  
And so they did  
  
HARRY: CHWOMBEE BOWNEEYS  
  
VOICE: Nope! You're out!!  
  
HERMIONE: CHUBBEEE BUNNIEEES  
  
VOICE: Ok  
  
RON: CWONDI BUNNDEES  
  
VOICE: Nopeers! Next!  
  
MINERVA: Chubeee Bunneeees!!  
  
VOICE: OK  
  
Now add 1 more marshmellow!  
  
HERMIONE: *spits marshmellows out* too many!  
  
VOICE: Okieday! Minerva, if you can do this, you win!!  
  
MINERVA: CHUHBEE BUHNEES!  
  
VOICE: YEA! YOU GOT IT! No bad fic for Minnie next time!!  
  
  
  
ALL ( but Minnie): Damn  
  
VOICE: For the rest of you.... EL BADFIC!!!  
  
  
  
And that ends today's episode of..........  
  
HARRY: Twisted  
  
RON: Humor  
  
HERMIONE: Theaters  
  
DRACO: Presents  
  
MINERVA: Harry  
  
SIRIUS: Potter  
  
VOLDEMORT: Mystery  
  
SNAPE: Theater  
  
  
  
Stay tuned for scenes from our next episode  
  
  
  
COMMERCIAL BREAK!  
  
Bertie Botts every flavor beans:  
  
Found in candy stores near you  
  
Dr. Pepper:  
  
Be you  
  
Campbles Soup:  
  
Mm! Mm! Good!  
  
Goldfishes:  
  
I love fishes 'cuz they're so delicious! Got goldfishes!  
  
BACK TO THE SHOW:  
  
Next time on T.H.T Presents: Harry Potter Mystery Theater:  
  
Harry and Draco's last day in the Room from Hell  
  
and something involving whipped cream, oreos, m&ms and Sirius.....  
  
  
  
Got questinos for our contestants?? sure you do! leave 'em in a review!!  
  
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	7. The Smelly Smell Of Something Smelly

Author's Note: Sorry it's been a while..... Notice anything different? I changed my pen name! It's an inside joke, and a very long story so I won't take up your time explaining it.... ANYWAYZ I just haven't been on MY computer for a while.... How many more chapters should i have? I'm thinking 5 or 10 more... That'll make 12 or 17 chapters. I'm thinking of writing another fic... hmm...  
  
  
  
Disclaimer: See previous chapters  
  
Claimer: I forgot a claimer the last 3 chapters! NOOO! I own the orange and black rooms, kareoke stage, cd's, and anything else NON-HARRY POTTER OR OTHER WISE SPECIFIED that may appear.... see previous chapters for an extended list  
  
  
  
  
  
Twisted Humor Theaters Presnts: Harry Potter Mystery Theater  
  
_________________________________________________  
  
  
  
IN THE ORANGE ROOM:  
  
  
  
Our favorite Transfigureation teacher was having a nice, long, undisturbed nap, untill she felt something cold on her head. In sitting up, she finds Sirius putting somthing in her hair.  
  
MINERVA: SIRUS! WHAT THE BLOODY HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING?  
  
Some how, unexplicibly, Sirius got a hold of a bag of M&Ms, a box of oreos, and a tub of whipped cream, and was spooning the whipped cream into Minnie's hair, putting M&Ms and oreos on top, for what reason only God knows why.....  
  
SIRIUS: SHH! The little people will hear you!  
  
MINERVA: What 'LITTLE PEOPLE'?!?  
  
SIRIUS (Pulling those little modles of Quidditch players like Harry had from the QWC (Quittch World Cup)): THESE little people!  
  
MINERVA: Sirius! You are a bloody idiot! You are NOT putting those... those... those THINGS in my hair!!  
  
SIRIUS (grinning): Yes I am  
  
MINERVA (Now shouting): You bloody idiot! GET THOSE THINGS OUT OF MY HAIR!!!!  
  
SIRIUS: You look so cute when you're mad!  
  
MINERVA: AHH!  
  
RON: Nice hairdo, professor  
  
MINERVA: WEASLY! I DO NOT NEED YOU SHINANNIGANS RIGHT NOW! WHAT HOUSE ARE YOU IN?  
  
RON: Duh! I'm in--  
  
HERMIONE (cutting in to ron's sentance): He's in Slytherin, professor.  
  
RON: NO-  
  
HERMIONE (cutting in, again): (very pointedly): Yes you are... remember  
  
RON: Oh! Oh yea! I'm in Slytherin!  
  
HERMIONE: Umm Professor... why do you have whipped cream, M&Ms, oreoes and those little quittich figures in you hair?  
  
MINRVA (through gritted teeth): I don't know... ask SIRIUS  
  
HERMIONE: Oook... Sirius, why does Professor McGonagall have whipped cream, m&m's, oreos, and little quittich figureines in her hair?  
  
SIRIUS: Well, it's like me mum always said: If you have one thing you love, and you can put it with another, you have a big, oversized chocolate chip cookie.  
  
HERMIONE: Well, that's ::ahem:: interesting...  
  
RON: ::laughs::  
  
MINERVA: ::Shrieks with frustration, and runs to the bathroom and, frustrated, washes her hair::  
  
SIRIUS: What???  
  
HERMIONE,RON: ::more laughing::  
  
SNAPE: You 3 pipe down! Normal people are trying to sleep! 5 points from... from... HUFFLEPUFF!  
  
RON: Normal people??  
  
HERMIONE: Hufflepuff?  
  
SNAPE: I said shut it! and 5 more from Ravenclaw!!  
  
VOLDIEMORT: Snape, you idiot! Shut the bloody hell up!  
  
DRACO: Yea shut it!  
  
RON: Hey! Malfoy's supposed to be in the ROD!  
  
DRACO: Oh... yea I forgot....  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- -----  
  
MEANWHILE.... Back in the lovingly called 'Room of Doom' or ROD for short Harry and Draco were still sleeping, sleeping as far away from each other as possible without leaving the room.  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- -----  
  
VOLDEMORT: Well, as long as we're up we better get the damn fic started...  
  
SNAPE: Aren't we anxcious to get this over, my lord  
  
VOLDERMORT: Oh shove it... I want to get out of here as soon as possible.  
  
SIRIUS: Is Minnie back yet?  
  
MINERVA: I TOLD YOU NOT TO CALL ME THAT!  
  
Minnie came out of the bathroom (fully, witchly robed, mind you....) with her hair up in a towl instead of a bun... such a surprise to everyone else....  
  
SIRIUS: But the other day you told m-  
  
MINERVA: SIRIUS! Shut the fuck up!  
  
SIRIUS: Yes, Minnie, Queen of the universe...  
  
MINERVA: SIRIUS!  
  
SNAPE: WILL YOU TWO STOP FLIRTING, AND SHUT THE BLOODY HELL UP?!  
  
MINERVA: Yes, Severus, Potions Master of the Universe  
  
SIRIUS: HEY! YOU GOT THAT FROM ME!  
  
MINERVA: Oh shove it  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- -----  
  
In the ROD (hey.. that rhymes... room of doom! ::evil cackle::) :  
  
Harry and Draco have awoken (unfortuneately...) and arguing about whose side of the room Harry's foot was on, as the room was, as I mentioned earlier, quite small  
  
DRACO: Your filthy, mud-blood loving foot was on MY side of the room!  
  
HARRY: Mud-blood loving? I'm not the one who admitted to liking Hermione! And my foot was on MY side of the room.  
  
DRACO: Ok then... Your filthy ghetto, un-rich people loving foot was on MY side of the room!  
  
HARRY: My foot's not ghetto! And it was on MY side!  
  
DRACO: Your foot is so ghetto... and it was on MY side!  
  
VOICE: WHO GIVES A DAMN ABOUT WHOSE FOOT WAS ON WHOSE SIDE! And, Harry, don't worry... *I* don't think your foot's ghetto.....  
  
HARRY: Haha!  
  
DRACO: Shove off  
  
VOICE: Now! You two... get your asses out of this room and into the orange room to read the damn fic, or 3 days or 5 more fics before you get to leave... witchever comes first.....  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- -----  
  
ORANGE ROOM:  
  
VOLDEMORT: Potter! You filthy, stinking mud-blood, not rich people loving beaner! I'm going to kill you!  
  
HARRY: You've already tried that three 5 time before. It doesn't work  
  
VOLDEMORT: damn  
  
HARRY: I'm gonna kill you! now THAT'll work  
  
VOLDEMORT: You can't! *I've* drank Unicorn's blood!  
  
HARRY: Damn  
  
While our favorite hero and villian were arguing, Draco sneaked up behind Hermione and pulled her hair.  
  
HERMIONE: Ouch! Malfoy! You basterd!  
  
Hermione then got a can of orange soda-water (pop, coke, soda, whatever you wanna call it..) and smaked him in the head with it.  
  
DRACO: ::moment of unconsiousness::  
  
ALL ('cept Draco, for obvious reasons..): .....  
  
DRACO: What was that for?  
  
HERMIONE: Don't play the old 'dumb blonde' thing. You know why! Now leave me the bloody hell alone. I don't like you. You're evil! ::does that cross thing with her fingers, you know the one where you make a cross with your 2 index fingers? that thing.. arms outstreached::  
  
DRACO: I'm not EVIL I'm just... NOT GOOD! YEA! I'm 'Not Good'  
  
VOLDEMORT, SNAPE, HARRY, RON, HERMIONE, MINNIE, SIRIUS: You're evil  
  
DRACO: damn  
  
SIRIUS: ANYWAYZ... on with the fic!  
  
VOICE: HEY! That's MY line!  
  
SIRIUS: oh well...  
  
a stack of parchment appears in front of Voldie...  
  
he begins  
  
  
  
Mr. Krabbs Smells The Smelly Smell of Something Smelly  
  
  
  
VOLDEMORT: Who is Mr. Krabbs? And is he a muggle?  
  
HERMIONE: Mr. Krabbs is the owner of The Krusty Krab in the muggle Telleyvision show, Sponge Bob Square Pants. No, he's not a muggle. He's not even real.  
  
Starring: Mr. Krabbs as Mr. Krabbs  
  
Sponge Bob Square Pants as Sponge Bob Square Pants  
  
and Harry Potter as Squidward!  
  
HARRY: Atlest I'm not Patrick  
  
RON: Who's Patrick?  
  
HARRY: Sponge Bob's best friend. He's a pink star fish and VERY stupid  
  
DRACO: kinda like you  
  
::harry socks Draco::  
  
HERMIONE: Harry! How many times do I have to tell you! Violence is NOT the answer! even if it IS Malfoy!  
  
HARRY: You sound just like Ron's mum...  
  
SNAPE: JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP AND GET ON WITH THE FIC!  
  
oNe dAiH, mR kRaBbS wEnT tO tHe KrUsTy KrAb AnD sPoNgE bOb WaS mAkInG kRaBbY pAtTiEs AnD sQuId-HaRrY wAs hItTiNg oN sAnDy.  
  
HARRY: Nooo!  
  
VOLDEMORT: what is a 'Krabby Patty'?  
  
HERMIONE: A kind of hamburger  
  
VOLDEMORT: oh  
  
HERMIONE: Look at all the spelling and grammer mistakes! It's a run-on, and look at the sticky caps! urgh!  
  
RON: Sticky caps?  
  
HERMIONE: It's like when you wRiTe oR TyPe LyKe ThIs  
  
RON: oh  
  
sAnDy tHeN tOoK sQuId-HaRrY tO jElLyFiSh FiElDs AnD tHeY sNogGed fOr 3 dAyZ sTrAIt  
  
HARRY: How unplesent...  
  
DRACO: Atleast your getting some action...  
  
HERMIONE: ::slaps Draco::  
  
DRACO: OW!  
  
HERMIONE: Was that enough action for you?  
  
DRACO: (mumbling) i didn't mean that kind of action... i ment snogging  
  
aLl sUdDeNly mR.KrAbBs StArTed sIngInG aN eMiNeM song! He sAnG '2 trailer park girls go round the outside, round the outside, round the outside 2 trailer park girls go round the outside, round the outside, round the outside....'  
  
HERMIONE: ooh! I LOVE that song! ...Guess who's back, back again, Shady's back, tell a friend guess who's back guess who's back guess who's back guess who's back guess who's back I've created a monster nobody wants to see marshall no more they want shady i'm chopped liver well if you want shady this is what i'll give ya; a little weed mixed wth some hard liquor...'  
  
HARRY: Herm! Settle down  
  
DRACO: I kinda liked that  
  
ThEn HeRm CuMz Up AnD gOeZ: MR KrAbBz! Yo Yo Yo! I LOVE tHaT soNg MAN! it's TiGhT!  
  
ThEn HeRm wAlkz In ON sQuId-HaRrY aND sandY mAkINg OuT! tHEN sHE's AlL sQuid-hARry! yOu bASTerED! YoU bE cHeATinG oN mE! tHEn sQuID-hArRy's aLl: bUt I'm NoT chEatIng! sHe SeduCed mE! theN saNDy'S all: nO i DidN'T yoU lYiNG bAStERed! yOu cAmE oN tO me!  
  
SIRIUS: Harry, you realize in this story you are a half squid, you come on to a squirrel, and you get broke up wit Hermione?  
  
HARRY: unfortuneatly  
  
DRACO: So you like my Hermy??? I knew it! You lying basterd!  
  
HARRY: I AM NOT A LYING BASTERD! I DO NOT LIKE HERMIONE IN THAT WAY! DAMN!  
  
MINERVA: 70 POINTS TO...UH....  
  
HERMIONE: Gryffindor?  
  
MINERVA: YEA! 170 POINTS TO GRYFFINDOR!  
  
DRACO: HUh? WHY?  
  
MINERVA: I said so! 900 points from uh..  
  
HERMIONE: Slytherin?  
  
MINERVA: YEA! 1900 POINTS FROM SLYTHERIN!  
  
SNAPE: That's not fair! We don't have that many points!  
  
MINERVA: Fuck off  
  
ThEn AlL sUDdENlY ThEy aLl DieD anD wEnT tO hELl bECaUsE tHEy wERE bAd pEoPLE AND mInERva told SeVerUs To scReW hIMselF (witch he did. Publicly.)  
  
ALL: AHH! NO! EWW!  
  
ThEn MiNerVa kIllEd HIm WItH thE phOne frOm ThE R.0.D.!  
  
MINERVA: Hell yea! Rott in hell you basterd!  
  
SNAPE: hmph...  
  
Harry, I'm sorry I made you a half squid, make you come on to a squirrel, and then you get broke up wit Hermione. Next time you'll be better off!  
  
Sirius, M & M'S ROCK!  
  
Minerva, next time you get to torture severus even more!  
  
MINERVA: HELL YEA!  
  
Severus, you greasesy headed slimball-- ROTT IN HELL  
  
Ron, next time I'll include you  
  
Draco, you're a hottie  
  
Hermione, nextime you won't have to rott in hell and be stuck with Harry.  
  
Voldi, I stole your Mr.Snuffle-Lumpkins!!  
  
VOLDEMORT: NOOO! NOT MR. SNUFFLE-LUMPKINS!!!  
  
eNd  
  
VOICE: Well, did you all enjoy today's viewing?  
  
ALL: No  
  
VOICE: Excellent!! You'll enjoy the next one even more!  
  
ALL: ::groan::  
  
HERMIONE: Am I the only one who noticed in that fic did it not once mention that Mr. Krabbs Smells The Smelly Smell Of Something Smelly?  
  
DRACO: No. Wait! Look! There's something at the bottem of the parchment!  
  
HARRY: Yea.... It says  
  
oH yEaH--- aNd Mr. kRabBz SmeLlZ tHe SmEllY sMeLl OF SoMeTHinG SmElLy!  
  
HERMIONE: Damn. Spoke too soon........  
  
DRACO: That's alright... you don't have to speak :::kisses hermione::  
  
ALL ('cept herm and Draco): ooooh  
  
HERMIONE: Ahhh! Draco! You are a Fithy evil basterd! You may be a good kisser, but that's all you are; A good kissing Flithy evil basterd!  
  
DRACO: I'm hurt!  
  
HERMIONE: GOOD  
  
And so today's episode ends, Hermione and Draco at opposite ends of the room, and the rest in the middle, dumbstruck.  
  
A/N: That's the end of this chapter. Press the Review button. You know you want to....  
  
It's only just down there....  
  
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